THE SON OF THE ROB LIEFELD TRANSLATION ALGORITHM

Special thanks to Alan David Doane, Silver Bullet Comics, and Markisan Naso

All The Rage, a comic rumour/commentary/news column featured some interesting commentary from "Youngblood creator" Rob Liefeld. Upon conferencing with my good friend Alan David Doane, I decided to run some of the highlights of his comments (Go to All the Rage and then follow the links for the full story. Unfortunately, the Algorithm kept crashing when I tried to run all of the commentary through, and it's more fun for you to try and translate his other comments on your own) through his Rob Liefeld Translation Algorithm (go get that and more fun stuff before we lose the Comic Book Galaxy archives altogether).

Anyway, here are the results:

ROB ON ALAN MOORE AND SUPREME

Regardless of that unfortunate run of events, no one single person benefited from Awesome as much as Alan Moore did. Supreme single handedly revived commercial and critical interest in his career that had hit a snag with his Image work, including but not limited to Wildcats, Spawn, Violator and Violator vs. Badrock.

(TRANSLATION: Alan Moore’s career hit a snag because he hadn’t worked with all of my fantastic, one-of-a kind all original characters! He needed a blast of Liefeld energy to get back on his A-game!)

Supreme got people talking and pros and fans buzzing. It literally set the stage for his ABC line, in fact much of the ABC line is made up of poorly masked Awesome characters and story outlines he prepared for us.

(TRANSLATION: I never understood why his Supreme worked and the one I created originally. I mean, would Alan Moore write about a being of godlike power that killed bad guys like Arnold Schwartzenger and committed acts of mass murder without a second thought? Would he have had the balls to throw the implied mental rape of one of the “lead” characters and to construct a storyline with more contradictions and unbelievable plot twists than 20 years worth of Claremont’s X-MEN run combined? And then would he have tried to actually spend an issue making up a set of weak justifications for the contradictions? I DON’T THINK SO!)

If I was as sue-happy and litigation driven as some suggest I be, I believe I could draw direct connections to many of the ABC characters and their origins coming from pages of Awesome work we commissioned from him.

(TRANSLATION: That is, if I could find the pages of Awesome work I commissioned from him but never paid him for, or if I thought I had a chance in hell of surviving a counter suit from the biggest media giant on Earth, or if I thought that attacking one of the best writers in comics wouldn’t turn the entire industry against me…then I’d make him our bitch!)

In short order, Tom Strong is Supreme mixed with his Prophet proposal. Promethea is Glory and the rest I honestly don't pay much attention to. Don't have the time or interest. Simply put, there is no ABC without Supreme and the Awesome re-launch.

(TRANSLATION: I just assumed that the rest of his ABC stuff was pirated from me without reading it. Like that chick with the spider thing and purple tights? I had a character made up for that, except she had bigger bazoombas and we were going to call her BAZOOMBA GIRL. I can’t believe Alan Moore would steal from me, after all I did for him! Oh, the humanity! And I mean, it’s not like I kept some of his stories for years before publishing them, or anything. And so what if Supreme is maybe kinda sorta like Superman and Glory is like Wonder Woman. I’m not hurting DC, but Alan stole FROM ME! THE ROBSTER! I DEMAND JUSTICE!)

As to his derisive comments about my Judgment Day work, all I can offer is that I followed the script implicitly and there was never an incident where his script had to be re-arranged to accommodate artwork that veered away from his script. He wrote full script and every page was followed to the letter.

(TRANSLATION: I mean, I can’t help it if it doesn’t explicitly state that I’m not supposed to draw Supreme with 86 teeth and no hips! I’m only human after all!)

ROB ON HIS EX-PARTNERS IN GENERAL:

Let's see, pretty much everyone with the exception of Silvestri who I was never friends with at any time, merely a partner in a comic business, each of the gentlemen you've mentioned are notoriously at odds with far more folks than me.

(TRANSLATION: Most folks don’t know who I am. The ones who do remember me as “that guy from the Levi commercial.”)

Moore at one time raged against the entire DC machine until he decided it was in his best interest to look the other way while they funded his ABC endeavor. Gimme a break.

(TRANSLATION: DC, I’ve never promised not to do business with you, and I’ve got a submission for a Hawk and Dove revival that Geoff Johns would love….)

Now it's just down to me and Marvel comics. Oh and he has a beef with Toddy Mac.

(TRANSLATION: I love calling people by pet names I made up for them but that they would never ever respond to.)

Todd and I are friendly, the past is in the past. We butted heads once and moved on.

(TRANSLATION: He moved on to a new house and didn’t leave me a forwarding address or phone number.)

Larsen. C'mon he's a classic player-hater. After Byrne maybe the biggest one on record. We're all just moving targets in his Uni.

(TRANSLATION: “Player-hater” is such a kick-ass phrase. Makes me sound like I from the streets. RE-PRU-SENT!)

Or maybe I'm just a big ole prick.

Yeah, upon closer inspection, it's just me.

(TRANSLATION: HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY)