Friday, November 14, 2008

A Typical Week in the Life of...Iron Man

MONDAY: Repeat to myself in the mirror: "The Initiative is a roaring success" for 15 minutes. SHIELD meeting. Dugan has agressive old man smell. Maria Hill looks at me like she's going to shank me between the ribs. Invent five new technologies. Bring a Playboy cover girl to bed.

TUESDAY: Repeat to myself in the mirror "I was right, Steve was wrong" for 20 minutes. Redesign armor. There's a memo on my desk: something about Atlanteans infiltrating the country, but hey, that can wait. Bring a supermodel to bed.

WEDNESDAY: Repeat to myself "I made the right decision." for 30 minutes. Avengers Meeting. Am thankful for new AI and sound dampening so I don't have to hear anything the Sentry or Ms. Marvel talks about. Take a TV actress to bed.

THURSDAY: Repeat to myself "Norman Osborn can be trusted" for an hour. National Security Meeting. Fight a villain from my rogues gallery. Wonder why that doesn't seem to happen as much anymore. Take two supermodels to bed. Hey, I deserve it.
FRIDAY: Repeat to myself "I can trust me, why can't anyone else?" with a straight face for two hours. Business meeting to roll out new product I developed on Monday. Fight with an unregistered former friend who sees me as an authoritarian prick, but I let him go. Wonder why that seems to happen more often now. Take a movie star to bed.

Saturday: Repeat to myself "I am not transferring my need for self-control onto others" for two hours. AA meeting. See Carol and wave, but god who wants to talk to her? Take Carol to bed.
Sunday: Repeat to myself "I'm still the good guy, right?" for six hours. Meeting with the President. Stop the people who have perverted the technologies I created on Monday for nefarious purposes. Feel guilty about it and tell myself that only I should have control over my actions. Take a future villainess to bed.


LurkerWithout said...

To be fair some of those captions are of MA Tony. Who ISN'T a giant tool. And Ultimate Tony is surprisingly non-dick for an Ultimate 'verse character. Which is probably because he's still a drunk.

Yes Ultimate Tony Stark, still a giant fuck-up but at least he has an excuse...

MrCynical said...

Marvel Adventures Tony is not a tool, but I still felt the captions were appropriate (after all, the Hulk calling him "Evil Tony" helps) and I needed some other IM images, so this was fair game. But good catch

And my opinion of the Ultimate Universe in general is pretty much low. Like the Centre of the earth.

Tom said...

The Ultimate line is pretty messed up; Bendis' Spider Man is over rated and Millar's Ultimates and X-Men were pretty much crap. I was also less than impressed with the "dream team" of Bendis, Millar and Ellis' Fantastic Four; why they had to be teenagers is beyond me.

And I thought all the captions were hilarious regardless of the pictures sources. :)