Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Doom's (Bad) Day

Because, just about everyone is talking about it. Yeah, Bendis really doesn't have Doom's Voice, does he?

OK, how do we fix this? Well, Could do what everyone else is doing by redialoguing that scene, but really? Been done. So, instead, borrowing an old idea from Chris Bird, and doing Doom's version of the Gettysburg Address

"Fourscore and seven years ago a gaggle of halfwits and the rabble that followed them, rose up against their so-called royalty, an even dimmer collection of unimaginative buffoons, barely the equal of the Accursed Richards! Their conceptions were the meager scribblings of minds lesser than Doom's and thus not worthy of consideration. Even now they wallow in their own inferiority of a civil struggle; such a thing would never occur under the rule of a true leader as Doom! They will spout their mindless prattle like unenlightened apes unable to see the true wisdom of Doom are wont to, and will wail and bleat as the sheep they are as they inter the resources they waste, sacrificed in vain. It is a sad loss, for if all accepted the rule of Doom none of this needless loss would occur; all those whom have been killed would have instead found happy and content lives in the service of the greater good of Doom! But alas, until their leaders submit to the will and wisdom of Doom, they will choke their soil with their own fluids. Those lost souls will be given the greatest tribute of all: they have Doom's sympathy, for they cannot know how they are exploited and debased and made to suffer under such pathetic and pitiful leadership. Like the Accursed Richards, they will not be remembered, save as a minor footnote in the histories. But Doom shall not forget easily, and thus, it is Doom's struggle to complete his task; the creation of a world that knows not hunger, nor sickness nor suffering nor the slightest material discomfort. And surely, for this great work, some minor tribute would be paid to the rightful savior? Is it not good that the servants thank the masters for their generosity? Of course it is such, and of course, tribute WILL be made. The path before you is so clear that even the youngest child can see--that I highly resolve that a world under Doom shall give birth to a paradise, and that above all else, Doom shall endure."


LurkerWithout said...

The worst part of "Doom-Gate"? The crappy dialogue is distracting everyone from the utterly stupid Deus Ex Spider-Woman save...

Phil Watts, Jr. said...

Bendis' attempt at DOOM dialogue fails just as miserably as his attempts at using thought balloons. Now, I'm sure someone will pop up and tell me that Bendis has indeed written some really good stuff in his career, but things like this and his handling of the Avenger characters in general does nothing to encourage me to go out and look for his 'good stuff'. It only gets me to avoid anything with his name on it like the plague.