Saturday, August 02, 2008

How to Make Canadian Elections Interesting

(WARNING: The following post concerns Canadian federal politics. If you don't give a rat's ass, then I suggest you wait for the next post. If you are interested but don't understand these posters, the short form is that they are meant sarcastically. That will help you).

Canadians say that Canadian politics is much more dull than the election extravaganzas put on by our neighbours to the south. So be it. Here's some ideas for new additions that will really get people to tune in and watch:

1) Get George Stroumboulopoulis to moderate a debate. If you hate Stroumboulopoulis, you'll probably get to see him fumble. If you like him, you might get to see him rise and ask an insightful question that most people wouldn't even ask. Or he might softball entirely. It'd be something to watch.

2) Every time Stephen Harper fails to explain his plan for reducing carbon emissions, David Suzuki gets to punch him in the face. Every time Stephane Dion fails to explain how his plan for reducing greenhouse gases will not lead to massive layoffs in industry, Buzz Hargrove gets to kick him in the groin. This will make everyone happy, I hope?

3) Sacha Trudeau must run as a Green Party candidate AGAINST his brother Justin. The debates alone will be worth the while.

4) Jack Layton must swear that if his party does not gain seats in Parliment in the election, he will shave his moustache.

6) One party must, MUST, make a campaign promise, that if they become the governing party, that they will appoint Pamela Anderson to the Senate. This should REALLY open an interesting dialogue on the whole "Appointment to the Senate" and what it means.

7) During the Leadership debates, we have real time polling (internet or phone) where we can measure how much Bullshit a given politician is giving us during his response to a question (The BS meter will be displayed on screen and such that the party leaders can see it). At the end of the debate, the candidate who consistently has the highest BS rating will be drugged and strapped to a lie detector and then asked all the debate questions again.

8) A CBC Reality TV show called "Solving Canada's Problems". A member from each political party in Canada (chosen at random from ALL the parties, including Communist, Green, Canadian Action Party, every given minor league party) is chosen, and all of them are thrown into a bus blindfolded and driven to a random part of the country, they are then told the problems of the people in that region and given a week to figure out what those people NEED. They can get help by asking former Canadian Prime Ministers Paul Martin, Brian Mulroney, Jean Chretien, Kim Campbell, and Joe Clarke. Not that any of them will be of any help. Members of the community will form a judging panel and at the end of the week, the candidate with the least helpful plan is ejected. The winner will be given additional funding provided by the CBC.

There you have it. How would you make Canadian Elections more TV-friendly?

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